Stupid wonderful life

Well, it's not stupid, but it can be aggravating at times! I do have a nicer post that's being mulled over but until then, this is how I feel.

I'm aggravated. Not at God, not with God's plan for my life, I'm absolutely in love with Him. I'm aggravated that I'm a pansy. I'm irritated that I don't want to move out of Ohio/Columbus without a close friend to be with me. I'm aggravated that Becky can move to Florida, Ashlie to Colorado (but she does have close friends out there), and Leslie to Cleveland then on to who knows where. I'm aggravated that I don't want to move out of Columbus because I'm actually worried that I might get mugged, abducted, or raped. Here's the kicker: I don't know that I would worry about that if I moved to a foreign country! Here's another little bit: I just don't think that I want to put myself out there in harm's way! Am I saying that all women who live on their own will be raped/mugged/abducted? No, but the chances are very high. Am I saying that by living in C-bus I'm limiting my chances of those things happening? Nope, but I do have a roommate. She's awesome. She carries mace while I flitter about without a care to my well being.

I'm angered that I think like this. I'm angered that I think about my well being and take into consideration that harm might come my way, so I take precautions to avoid it. I should be fearless. I should remind myself that God is with me at all times and nothing happens outside of His will. That said, I still don't want to move out on my own, sans roommate. I love people and having people around me, heck, having 7 roommates for 3 years was awesome! Thinking of living in a new town without close friends is.... not appealing. But I am brave! I do brave things! I travel the world by MYSELF! Ask anyone who knows me and they'll not call me a coward. I am brave like Becky and Leslie. I don't mind being by myself, I do know deep down that the Lord is with me. Really, deep down I know that. There's just something within me that rises up and says, "Man, no. I really don't want to do that!"

I think I'll go bang my head against the wall for a bit.

And if any of you quote scripture at me, I'll bang your head against the wall. Hey, I'm just being real...... and I'll really do it.

Stupid life. Am I not supposed to die to myself and live for Him? As a Christian I'm not called to worry about my well being! I'm not to give a care about myself. I think I've arrived at Frustration Station and I have one foot on the train to "Resting in Him," and the other in "selfishly-caring-about-my-own-life."

Well, now I've got to take off. I've got yogurt and orange juice in the trunk and if I don't get them into the fridge I might die of some parasite/virus/disease. Call that ironic.