My family spells our last name D-y-s-f-u-n-c-t-i-o-n. That's right, dysfunction. And you know what, it's not just my immediate family, as it turns out my entire family tree on either side all have the same last name! Freaky. Hey, want to invite the Dysfunctions over? Sure, they're always good for amusement. Did you hear about that family that is getting together 2 WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT 11:30 AM to celebrate Christmas? Why no I didn't! Yes, it's the DYSFUNCTION family. Dad Dysfunction, Mom Dysfunction, Big Brother Dysfunction, Little Sister Dysfunction, Aunt and Uncle Dysfunction and all our little Dysfunction cousins!
Riddle me this: what kind of family, FAMILY, gets together TWO weeks (14 days or 336 hours) before Christmas, at 11:30 AM to celebrate?
My family. My insane, dysfunctional, related only by blood and name, completely ridiculous family. Hey everyone, let's celebrate Christ's birth by pretending we're only friends and scheduling a convenient time DURING LUNCH. What better way to help our nieces and nephews and grandchildren bond and grow together? That's right, over ham and pie, early enough before Christmas that everyone forgets that we even met. I mean, we only meet once a year anyway, why make it special? Why make it memorable? Why even try?
That's why when I have a family (there, I said it) we're getting together for Christmas no earlier than 2 days before Christmas and I am living in a house big enough for everyone to stay over. Heck, we might just all stay together for the entire time from Christmas to New Years. Why not? We'll bake and cook and eat and drink and play cards from dawn till dusk. We'll make snowmen (because God couldn't possibly deny us snow-- um...please Lord?) and we'll decorate cookies. I'll have my parents over (they're pretty awesome) and brothers and sister and my husband can have his family over and the adults will stay up late and drink wine and no matter what differences may pop up, we'll work through them. Our house will be lit with candles and pine scents from our tree and pine boughs and lights will be everywhere! And we'll have Wassil and Mulled Cider and Mulled wine. We'll stay up late and talk about Christ and the incredible passion of Christ and his love for us. We'll argue theology and discuss books and poems and the like.
That is when we will no longer be a dysfunctional family. Then and only then.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Two Races.
Last night I wrote a post, published it, and then as soon as I woke up, took it down. I felt that although it was truly a good post, very honest, very genuine, it wasn't worthy of publishing. I desperately want to write a post. These last two weeks though, the time and energy have not been conducive whatsoever to writing anything. I have been mulling over an idea and I think I'm going to use it now, if anything it'll be a snack until something better comes along.
My Christian walk is like my running. Took awhile to get moving, but once I found the joy that comes with the running and the athletic fitness it brings with it, I wanted more. So I ran more. Like my Walk my faith was there (my ability to run) but I had never quite put it into action. Once I began Walking (running) I realized how important it is! Though there were times of great struggle and of pain and awakening and the ripping off of scabbed-over wounds, (burning lungs and running up hill) the cleansing of my heart and the dedication to He who created me overrode all the agony (similar to cleansing the body of toxins). I began to study so as to improve my walk (time), I committed myself to contributing to my Walk with devotions (committed time running), and I began to acquire essentials such as books by Lewis, Chambers, Eldredge, etc.(running shoes, shorts, tops). If I hurried and skipped over the essentials and tried to prove my faith too soon, (running too long too quickly and not stretching) I ended up battered and bruised a bit from reactions and situations I had not prepared for (stress fractures), having to go back and start over and this time, pay attention to the details of Christ's attitude and instruction.(returning to running after physical therapy). After it seemed I had plateaued in my faith and had no reason for exploring deeper into the Heart of God (running several 5Ks and doing fine) I would drop the ball in my Walk (quit running). Once however, I brought in structure to my life, be it via planner or what not; as soon as I re-introduced discipline (began going to the gym or outside), my Walk (running) would take off again!
If I lounged around the house, watched TV, or spent time on the Web, my walk (and running) suffered. So did the rest of my life. Friendships waned, going out and doing things slowed to a crawl, and sometimes depression would set in. The key is to keep moving. My parents taught me to never wallow in self-pity/ self-loathing but to just keep moving because I would eventually drag myself out of that slump. And they're right. Time after time, when I heeded their advice, I found myself ready to move on, ready to get Walking (running). Once you experience the change in your Christ-muscles (nice calves), you want more (toned thighs). It's hard sometimes to crack open that Bible or devotional (put on the shoes, get outside), but once you're in the middle of reading and praying, one realizes how imperative it is to continue the Race (running).
Some people would tell you to move along on a solid course. No depths or heights, just plug along running and walking without interruption and without change. I beg to differ. King David plunged to the depths and then soared to the heights. God loved his heart. If I stayed at a true horizontal walk, moving along in a tried and true pattern, where is the trust in Him? If my life were never to change, if I were to avoid all depths, I could not experience the heights. Just as if I always ran 2 miles, afraid that going 3 might kill me and 1 might not be enough. I'm neither challenging myself nor stretching the limits. I am lukewarm (hey, that sounds familiar!). My Walk may seem like a crawl or a sprint at times, but I prefer that to the tortoise. Slow and steady will finish the race, but the crawler/sprinter learns a lot more.
My Christian walk is like my running. Took awhile to get moving, but once I found the joy that comes with the running and the athletic fitness it brings with it, I wanted more. So I ran more. Like my Walk my faith was there (my ability to run) but I had never quite put it into action. Once I began Walking (running) I realized how important it is! Though there were times of great struggle and of pain and awakening and the ripping off of scabbed-over wounds, (burning lungs and running up hill) the cleansing of my heart and the dedication to He who created me overrode all the agony (similar to cleansing the body of toxins). I began to study so as to improve my walk (time), I committed myself to contributing to my Walk with devotions (committed time running), and I began to acquire essentials such as books by Lewis, Chambers, Eldredge, etc.(running shoes, shorts, tops). If I hurried and skipped over the essentials and tried to prove my faith too soon, (running too long too quickly and not stretching) I ended up battered and bruised a bit from reactions and situations I had not prepared for (stress fractures), having to go back and start over and this time, pay attention to the details of Christ's attitude and instruction.(returning to running after physical therapy). After it seemed I had plateaued in my faith and had no reason for exploring deeper into the Heart of God (running several 5Ks and doing fine) I would drop the ball in my Walk (quit running). Once however, I brought in structure to my life, be it via planner or what not; as soon as I re-introduced discipline (began going to the gym or outside), my Walk (running) would take off again!
If I lounged around the house, watched TV, or spent time on the Web, my walk (and running) suffered. So did the rest of my life. Friendships waned, going out and doing things slowed to a crawl, and sometimes depression would set in. The key is to keep moving. My parents taught me to never wallow in self-pity/ self-loathing but to just keep moving because I would eventually drag myself out of that slump. And they're right. Time after time, when I heeded their advice, I found myself ready to move on, ready to get Walking (running). Once you experience the change in your Christ-muscles (nice calves), you want more (toned thighs). It's hard sometimes to crack open that Bible or devotional (put on the shoes, get outside), but once you're in the middle of reading and praying, one realizes how imperative it is to continue the Race (running).
Some people would tell you to move along on a solid course. No depths or heights, just plug along running and walking without interruption and without change. I beg to differ. King David plunged to the depths and then soared to the heights. God loved his heart. If I stayed at a true horizontal walk, moving along in a tried and true pattern, where is the trust in Him? If my life were never to change, if I were to avoid all depths, I could not experience the heights. Just as if I always ran 2 miles, afraid that going 3 might kill me and 1 might not be enough. I'm neither challenging myself nor stretching the limits. I am lukewarm (hey, that sounds familiar!). My Walk may seem like a crawl or a sprint at times, but I prefer that to the tortoise. Slow and steady will finish the race, but the crawler/sprinter learns a lot more.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Happy Holidays!
There is something about Christmastime that brings so much joy to my heart. This is the time when we celebrate Christ's birth; a time for all to publicly rejoice in redemption's arrival. I understand that nowadays the world wants us to say "Happy Holidays," instead of "Merry Christmas," but isn't it essentially the same? So I'm going to go on now in my blissful state and continue to sing the praises for this season. You know why I like it so much? Because deep within us all our souls, even those held captive, are celebrating. For some that voice is as tiny as a church-mouse's whisper, for others it is as loud as thunder, but in all of us it is there. The voice of our souls saying "my redeemer has come! Hallelujah, let us rejoice! Let us sing and shout for joy because today, on this day, salvation came into the world and we are set free!"
This is why I love the holidays. There is this atmospheric tension that seems to build. Each day is more pregnant than the last with the anticipation of our dear Savior's birth! And the whole world celebrates! Lights are strung up, bells are hung, tree's decorated, gifts bought, garland wrapped down banisters, carolers sing, Christmas music blares from every speaker available, and people bake the most delicious food ever! Do you realize no other day, nay, no other season can hold a candle (pun intended) to the amount of songs dedicated to this time? The songs go on forever! Beautiful melodic songs that we sing that began in the 12th century? What song do you know that began 9 centuries* (900 years) ago that we still sing? Right!
Yes this is a time for retailers to rejoice as well, but realize this, no matter how commercialized this time becomes, it only exists for one reason. For One reason is there this holiday season and quite frankly it can become as materialistic as anything because in the long run, in the end, the True Reason for this season will win. You can take my credit card but you can't take the Christ out of Christmas. You can change the name for all I care, you could make into whatever you want, be it Presents day, be it Spendallyourmoney Day, be it Reindeer Day, WHO CARES?! Do you really think that your soul will be change its tune just because our society (bear in mind it is only a society) is trying to warp this season? My soul will still rejoice and so will yours! If I were kept in a windowless room and my ears were closed, my soul would still know this season.
* O Come O Come Emmanuel.
For a plethora of Christmas Carols and Hymns, visit http://www.hymnsandcarolsofchristmas.com/HTML/The_hymns_and_carols_.htm
This is why I love the holidays. There is this atmospheric tension that seems to build. Each day is more pregnant than the last with the anticipation of our dear Savior's birth! And the whole world celebrates! Lights are strung up, bells are hung, tree's decorated, gifts bought, garland wrapped down banisters, carolers sing, Christmas music blares from every speaker available, and people bake the most delicious food ever! Do you realize no other day, nay, no other season can hold a candle (pun intended) to the amount of songs dedicated to this time? The songs go on forever! Beautiful melodic songs that we sing that began in the 12th century? What song do you know that began 9 centuries* (900 years) ago that we still sing? Right!
Yes this is a time for retailers to rejoice as well, but realize this, no matter how commercialized this time becomes, it only exists for one reason. For One reason is there this holiday season and quite frankly it can become as materialistic as anything because in the long run, in the end, the True Reason for this season will win. You can take my credit card but you can't take the Christ out of Christmas. You can change the name for all I care, you could make into whatever you want, be it Presents day, be it Spendallyourmoney Day, be it Reindeer Day, WHO CARES?! Do you really think that your soul will be change its tune just because our society (bear in mind it is only a society) is trying to warp this season? My soul will still rejoice and so will yours! If I were kept in a windowless room and my ears were closed, my soul would still know this season.
* O Come O Come Emmanuel.
For a plethora of Christmas Carols and Hymns, visit http://www.hymnsandcarolsofchristmas.com/HTML/The_hymns_and_carols_.htm
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
The Man in Black
So I've been reading this biography (ahem, the authorized biography) of John R. Cash. As I first heard of him, way back in the day, he was known to me as Johnny Cash, Gospel singer and relatively boring person. I know, I know, I know, Johnny Cash boring? As I knew him, he hung out with Billy Graham and sang the old hymns and uninteresting gospels. Without watching Walk The Line, I would never have taken an interest in this man and his wife. Well friends, I shall commence eating crow because this man is probably the furthest thing from uninteresting.
So far this is what I've gathered: He became a Christian at 12, was traumatized by his brother's tragic death, entered the Air Force, married Vivian because (and I think so) he loved her, started his music career (and drug/alcohol abuse), had an affair with June, divorced Vivian, cleaned up his act, rededicated his life, and married June.
Did you know that after his marriage to June and rededication to living a Christ-like life he spiraled back into drug abuse? This is a man who was baptized three times, including one time in the Jordan River, made a movie about Christ, wrote a book about Paul, attended church regularly, had a hit TV show that emphasized a life with Christ, and was revered by many influential Christians (i.e. Billy Graham and his wife) and leading politicians. This man had a plantation in Jamaica, the house of his dreams outside Nashville, and another house somewhere else that he liked as well (yes, stellar description of the latter, huh?!). He had that long sought-after son, a wife he loved/adored, and a career of which he could be proud. Yet even with all that he hit the drugs again! After knowing that it once nearly killed his career, let alone him, he couldn't say no. Once again though, the people around him pull together and with them and the recollection of what happened those many year ago, he made it out of that deadly mire. That's as far as I am now in the book, but I know there's a happy ending and I know his relationship with the Lord deepens even further.
Doesn't that say something about what the Lord desires in his followers? Think about it, Abraham, David, and Paul (they're the only ones that come to mind at the moment). They were not lukewarm! They were men who screwed up, and recovered, and screwed up, and recovered. They didn't just sit around and twiddle their thumbs, saying "well, if I do nothing then I won't risk doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble, so I'll just sit here and make no trouble." Hmm... interesting, because when you read Revelation 3:15-16, the Lord doesn't say he only wants those who are piously following him. "15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
Neither hot nor cold. Far too many times I believe I am lukewarm, never willing to risk; I'm the worker who buried his master's money in the ground. Always afraid I'm going to step on someone's toes, always afraid I'm going to hurt someone, always afraid I'm going to do whatever it is I set out to do wrong. You would think that after all the teachings, all the books, all the experiences I've been through already I wouldn't worry about failing. When it comes to a crunch time, when in the midst of a situation that calls for my decision, I never hesitate though. Under pressure, I will make a decision that I consider wise. It's the lull before that causes me to question everything and frown any action on my part. Being lukewarm is discouraging! You stand there in that tepid area, thinking "ooo, but what if I get too cold... what if I get too hot?" Oh I hate that I let the "What if(s)?" influence my life! Stupid hesitant bane of my life! (right now, bane of my life is the hit phrase).
I wonder what Johnny would have done.
So far this is what I've gathered: He became a Christian at 12, was traumatized by his brother's tragic death, entered the Air Force, married Vivian because (and I think so) he loved her, started his music career (and drug/alcohol abuse), had an affair with June, divorced Vivian, cleaned up his act, rededicated his life, and married June.
Did you know that after his marriage to June and rededication to living a Christ-like life he spiraled back into drug abuse? This is a man who was baptized three times, including one time in the Jordan River, made a movie about Christ, wrote a book about Paul, attended church regularly, had a hit TV show that emphasized a life with Christ, and was revered by many influential Christians (i.e. Billy Graham and his wife) and leading politicians. This man had a plantation in Jamaica, the house of his dreams outside Nashville, and another house somewhere else that he liked as well (yes, stellar description of the latter, huh?!). He had that long sought-after son, a wife he loved/adored, and a career of which he could be proud. Yet even with all that he hit the drugs again! After knowing that it once nearly killed his career, let alone him, he couldn't say no. Once again though, the people around him pull together and with them and the recollection of what happened those many year ago, he made it out of that deadly mire. That's as far as I am now in the book, but I know there's a happy ending and I know his relationship with the Lord deepens even further.
Doesn't that say something about what the Lord desires in his followers? Think about it, Abraham, David, and Paul (they're the only ones that come to mind at the moment). They were not lukewarm! They were men who screwed up, and recovered, and screwed up, and recovered. They didn't just sit around and twiddle their thumbs, saying "well, if I do nothing then I won't risk doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble, so I'll just sit here and make no trouble." Hmm... interesting, because when you read Revelation 3:15-16, the Lord doesn't say he only wants those who are piously following him. "15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
Neither hot nor cold. Far too many times I believe I am lukewarm, never willing to risk; I'm the worker who buried his master's money in the ground. Always afraid I'm going to step on someone's toes, always afraid I'm going to hurt someone, always afraid I'm going to do whatever it is I set out to do wrong. You would think that after all the teachings, all the books, all the experiences I've been through already I wouldn't worry about failing. When it comes to a crunch time, when in the midst of a situation that calls for my decision, I never hesitate though. Under pressure, I will make a decision that I consider wise. It's the lull before that causes me to question everything and frown any action on my part. Being lukewarm is discouraging! You stand there in that tepid area, thinking "ooo, but what if I get too cold... what if I get too hot?" Oh I hate that I let the "What if(s)?" influence my life! Stupid hesitant bane of my life! (right now, bane of my life is the hit phrase).
I wonder what Johnny would have done.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Rescuing my credit card from the Greeks!
So through the last week and a half, I've been making some fantastic progress regarding my ideas of marriage and children. It's been a quite enlightening, and quite frankly much needed, adventure through "The rapidly depleting misguided mindsets of one American lass."
For the past 5 years I have been against having children and getting married (although most definitely not in that order.) Who wants to get married and live with the same person for the rest of their life? Why not stay single and enjoy the independence of freedom? Freedom from battling it over who gets to go to whose family for whatever holiday. Freedom from having to worry about providing for someone else, freedom from having to be responsible to and for someone else, freedom from having someone else care about you, and freedom from waking up to the same person day in and day out. Regarding children: Freedom from changing diapers, freedom from feeding them, freedom from the screaming and yelling, freedom from the stress that comes with children, and most importantly, freedom from mini-vans!
Now as justifiable as those arguments are, they are not fair and they are completely heartless. Thanks to some good listeners and those whose mindsets are much more um...positive than mine, my heart has been changed and the vows I made regarding marriage and children are being broken and surrendered completely to my Lord. (I would give a longer explanation but too bad so sad, that part is much too tender and personal to share.) So in sum: No longer looking after self, but to what the Lord would place in my life and lead me to do. Absolutely delightful! I am so thankful to give up the idea that I am in charge of my heart and life goals.
And then I babysat a set of 2 year old twin girls and their 7 year old sister.
Oh, you didn't think that experience changed any of my newfound freedom, did you? It shall take a lot more than that for I to revert to my old mindsets. It did nothing to encourage me though, but nothing to deter me; just made me thankful that all things come with God's timing.
My story continues: I leave the house of horrors, I mean the sit, and continue on my merry way over to some friends' house to watch some Borat clips, make Christmas cards for children in hospitals, and recoup, I mean, enjoy the rest of my evening. Then after returning home I realize that my debit card is missing. O joy of joys. Not one to worry, I decide to wait until the morning to search for it. Then I get a call saying the family that I just sat for has found it. This means a return to Chaosville and at that point, I would have let them keep the card and waited the week until I could get a new one. Not a good idea because this means I am low on gas, sans cash, and sans means for getting cash. Stupid plastic bane of my life. However, I am not low enough on gas to miss out on a euchre/catch phrase game party. Besides, why worry about tonight when you can worry about it tomorrow? Of course that means that when one gets back to her apartment at 2 am, thoughts such as these invade her normally rational mind, "Hey, gas stations still take personal checks! Or I could give them my memorized card number (yes, I am that big of a dork and online customer)!"
At 10am the next morning, said rational falls flat. This means I do not get to go to church (my church) because gas stations neither take personal checks nor do they think one would seriously memorize their card number. And this means imminent return to that not so happy place. Did I mention my computer hates me? However, at the peak of my irritation, I realized that my attitude was not glorifying to the Lord whatsoever and I immediately repented for my not so nice thoughts. It is never a pleasant nor beneficial experience to have animosity in ones heart and it is not who I am, thank the Lord that I can choose to get out of my bad attitude. So after church with April, which was very poignant, I head on over and retrieve my card. It actually didn't go as bad as I had anticipated and in less than 35 seconds I was free for once and forever from that tribe of merciless cannibalistic headhunters. I mean loving and delightful children. And guess what was playing on the radio as I headed home? Christmas carols!! I love Christmas, I love this time of year, I love the camaraderie, the atmospheric change that comes with joyful times, and I love Christmas carols! So guess who belted out to "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus," and "Rocking around the Christmas Tree," the whole way home? That's right, yours truly. Good things come to those who delight themselves in the Lord. All you need is a change of heart. Then even the most loathsome of experiences becomes precious.
For the past 5 years I have been against having children and getting married (although most definitely not in that order.) Who wants to get married and live with the same person for the rest of their life? Why not stay single and enjoy the independence of freedom? Freedom from battling it over who gets to go to whose family for whatever holiday. Freedom from having to worry about providing for someone else, freedom from having to be responsible to and for someone else, freedom from having someone else care about you, and freedom from waking up to the same person day in and day out. Regarding children: Freedom from changing diapers, freedom from feeding them, freedom from the screaming and yelling, freedom from the stress that comes with children, and most importantly, freedom from mini-vans!
Now as justifiable as those arguments are, they are not fair and they are completely heartless. Thanks to some good listeners and those whose mindsets are much more um...positive than mine, my heart has been changed and the vows I made regarding marriage and children are being broken and surrendered completely to my Lord. (I would give a longer explanation but too bad so sad, that part is much too tender and personal to share.) So in sum: No longer looking after self, but to what the Lord would place in my life and lead me to do. Absolutely delightful! I am so thankful to give up the idea that I am in charge of my heart and life goals.
And then I babysat a set of 2 year old twin girls and their 7 year old sister.
Oh, you didn't think that experience changed any of my newfound freedom, did you? It shall take a lot more than that for I to revert to my old mindsets. It did nothing to encourage me though, but nothing to deter me; just made me thankful that all things come with God's timing.
My story continues: I leave the house of horrors, I mean the sit, and continue on my merry way over to some friends' house to watch some Borat clips, make Christmas cards for children in hospitals, and recoup, I mean, enjoy the rest of my evening. Then after returning home I realize that my debit card is missing. O joy of joys. Not one to worry, I decide to wait until the morning to search for it. Then I get a call saying the family that I just sat for has found it. This means a return to Chaosville and at that point, I would have let them keep the card and waited the week until I could get a new one. Not a good idea because this means I am low on gas, sans cash, and sans means for getting cash. Stupid plastic bane of my life. However, I am not low enough on gas to miss out on a euchre/catch phrase game party. Besides, why worry about tonight when you can worry about it tomorrow? Of course that means that when one gets back to her apartment at 2 am, thoughts such as these invade her normally rational mind, "Hey, gas stations still take personal checks! Or I could give them my memorized card number (yes, I am that big of a dork and online customer)!"
At 10am the next morning, said rational falls flat. This means I do not get to go to church (my church) because gas stations neither take personal checks nor do they think one would seriously memorize their card number. And this means imminent return to that not so happy place. Did I mention my computer hates me? However, at the peak of my irritation, I realized that my attitude was not glorifying to the Lord whatsoever and I immediately repented for my not so nice thoughts. It is never a pleasant nor beneficial experience to have animosity in ones heart and it is not who I am, thank the Lord that I can choose to get out of my bad attitude. So after church with April, which was very poignant, I head on over and retrieve my card. It actually didn't go as bad as I had anticipated and in less than 35 seconds I was free for once and forever from that tribe of merciless cannibalistic headhunters. I mean loving and delightful children. And guess what was playing on the radio as I headed home? Christmas carols!! I love Christmas, I love this time of year, I love the camaraderie, the atmospheric change that comes with joyful times, and I love Christmas carols! So guess who belted out to "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus," and "Rocking around the Christmas Tree," the whole way home? That's right, yours truly. Good things come to those who delight themselves in the Lord. All you need is a change of heart. Then even the most loathsome of experiences becomes precious.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
The Ugliness of Self
I've learned through the past years that I'm not the only person to go through certain situations/seasons. Still, in the midst of any given situation/season, I always think I am alone in having to go through said situation/season. Like today for instance.
Usually I am not far from the assumption that I'm a pretty good person. I've got a good personality, I'm laid-back just enough to not get angry instantly, when angry I forgive quickly, and I like to be organized, but never too organized. All things considered, I'm a fairly neat (as in pretty awesome) person to be around. Did I mention my sense of humor is delightful? Now I'm starting to sound like I'm stuck on myself, huh? Right you are. And so enters the reason for this story.
Today I got angry, quite angry, angry to the point where I wanted to slap someone. And for what reason, one might ask? Because I felt I had been wronged. Gone went my "forgive at all costs" attitude, out the door flew my "well, let's look at it from their point of view" mindset, and no where to be found was my desire to be Christ-like. I looked at my Bible and my devotional and flat-out said "No, I do not want to open you." I wanted vengance, I wanted retribution, and I wanted to dish it all out. Hah, isn't it so easy to be Christ-like when the only turbulence in your life is deciding what you want to do that day?
Looks like I'm not all I'm cracked up to be! Nothing like a good glimpse of my ugliness to put me right back on track. It's a love-hate moment when you get a big bold smack in the face of who you are and who you should be. Makes me think "Wow, and I have friends?" and "What, Christ loves me?" Were that I anyone but me! God's grace is unfathomable! He loves me! This screwed up, self-righteous, blundering, babbling, can-barely-do-anything-right, always second-guessing, most unworthy me.
Needless to say, I did not slap anyone, nor chew anyone out, nor make good in any way on my anger. Maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am..... lol.
Usually I am not far from the assumption that I'm a pretty good person. I've got a good personality, I'm laid-back just enough to not get angry instantly, when angry I forgive quickly, and I like to be organized, but never too organized. All things considered, I'm a fairly neat (as in pretty awesome) person to be around. Did I mention my sense of humor is delightful? Now I'm starting to sound like I'm stuck on myself, huh? Right you are. And so enters the reason for this story.
Today I got angry, quite angry, angry to the point where I wanted to slap someone. And for what reason, one might ask? Because I felt I had been wronged. Gone went my "forgive at all costs" attitude, out the door flew my "well, let's look at it from their point of view" mindset, and no where to be found was my desire to be Christ-like. I looked at my Bible and my devotional and flat-out said "No, I do not want to open you." I wanted vengance, I wanted retribution, and I wanted to dish it all out. Hah, isn't it so easy to be Christ-like when the only turbulence in your life is deciding what you want to do that day?
Looks like I'm not all I'm cracked up to be! Nothing like a good glimpse of my ugliness to put me right back on track. It's a love-hate moment when you get a big bold smack in the face of who you are and who you should be. Makes me think "Wow, and I have friends?" and "What, Christ loves me?" Were that I anyone but me! God's grace is unfathomable! He loves me! This screwed up, self-righteous, blundering, babbling, can-barely-do-anything-right, always second-guessing, most unworthy me.
Needless to say, I did not slap anyone, nor chew anyone out, nor make good in any way on my anger. Maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am..... lol.
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