Two of Me.

Last night I had another one of my wedding dreams. In every wedding dream I've ever remembered (I would say about 5+-), in the dream it never fails that I am never present during the ceremony. I walk up the aisle, either tell the groom "Nope, not doing it" or I blank out during the ceremony and arrive back in my body afterwards. I never know if I married the groom or not, although I always lean on the side of not being married, so as not to spend my wedding night with someone who is not my husband. Not once do I say "well, maybe I am married!" and move into a life with the groom (although in one dream I did as I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had married him-- I really wanted to be his wife).

Last night I dreamed the wedding dream, only this time there were two of me- one to make sure all went well with the wedding (say that 5x fast!) and another to be in the wedding. Which body did my mind elect to stay with? Apparently not the one in the ceremony because I had to ask the groom afterwards how it went! For some reason I think I stuck with the "wedding planner body" as some table cloths needed sewing! All I remember is coming up to the groom afterwards and wondering how I handled it and if everything went smooth. The funny thing is I dislike immensely weddings that are a production, so why in the world, when given the option, would I have stayed with the "wedding planner body"?

As my wedding dreams go though, the emphasis on the actual ceremony has become more and more heightened. There are no details covered in the wedding and I dream of nothing pertaining to the wedding except for the very minutes before and during the walk down the aisle. Very briefly do I dream of the reception (many times I'm sitting around a table with the whole family and quietly trying to determine whether or not I am married [quietly so I don't embarrass myself for not knowing]) Also, I never like my dress. This past one had very little attention was given it by me, so possibly the dress was attractive.

Why were there two of me?
Why did I opt for the body running around tying up the loose ends? (i.e: avoiding the ceremony?)
How is it that in every wedding dream, I am never ever there for the actual ceremony?!
Why, for the past 8 years, have my dreams centered so specifically on a wedding?

The built-in investigator wonders what is it that needs attention and healing.
The Spirit inside me must be telling me I need to address something, something in me needs looked over, otherwise I would not continue to dream the same dreams with the same scene running over and over.

I am trying to remember in my dreams to force myself to be mentally aware during the ceremony. I want to ask myself in the dream why I am so eager or willing to avoid it; there is hope that while in the dream state I can answer these questions.