A couple nights ago I came to the realization that I do not know enough about my Lord. I mean, I know about him, I know of him, I know he is good and true and his love is unfailing. I know he desires the best for us and I know he loves me unconditionally. But I just don't know enough. So I opened the good ol' Book of Life and decided I would start at the beginning and go from there. Don't get me wrong, I've read the Bible through and through but only with the intent of knowing more about the Bible and for gaining more wisdom and knowledge. Yet that is what has brought me to this point. The knowledge I have of the Lord and the love I have for him need more. I need to know more about my Lord. Right, got that covered. Onward we go.
As I read through Genesis 1 and 2, my heart was struck with the beauty and intention of creation. Everything was perfect and created in perfect order. A more beautiful love story cannot be found! Everything was taken care of, even Adam. He lived in paradise with the woman of his dreams. Together they lived in perfect harmony and communion with the Lord. Isn't that what we strive for every day? And we only get a glimpse of that which they experienced. It is beautiful though, how deep within us is this call to return to our paradise. Deep within us is this knowledge that this is not our home. We belong somewhere else. Not just somewhere else but true paradise. Back to the text. I love how Eve is made out of his rib. It's so fitting! Right there at his side, right there even with him. It's genius! Then my heart sank; I knew what was going to happen next and I didn't want it to happen. I didn't want this perfect glory to end. Deep inside I cringed and begged God "just this once, please just this once, let it be a bad dream." Never before have I read this and felt such anguish and heaviness come over my heart. Funny though, for a split second I felt as though if my heart were so burdened and my soul so heavy, God would hear my cry and I would look down and there would be no Fall. It's true. Didn't happen though. Going onward wasn't an option now; I couldn't read the tragedy and I just closed the cover and turned off the light.
1 comment:
I understand what you're talking about. I think began to feel the true weight of sin for the first time in the last year. I began to understand that sin is not just bad things we do, but that it is something that is rooted in who we are and can be quite painful to dig out. Understand its weight began to make me long for something better, for freedom.
I don't think one can truly appreciate the wonder of the cross until he or she begins to feel the weight of sin. A book a read last spring said something like "Until you understand the ugliness of sin, the cross will only be something that saved us from something that's 'not really that bad' and the Second Coming will only bring about something that's 'not that much better.'"
It was something like that anyway. I must say, it's something that is still a hazy concept to me and living under the freedom of the cross is something I'm still trying to wrap my mind/(heart?) around.
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