The Ugliness of Self

I've learned through the past years that I'm not the only person to go through certain situations/seasons. Still, in the midst of any given situation/season, I always think I am alone in having to go through said situation/season. Like today for instance.

Usually I am not far from the assumption that I'm a pretty good person. I've got a good personality, I'm laid-back just enough to not get angry instantly, when angry I forgive quickly, and I like to be organized, but never too organized. All things considered, I'm a fairly neat (as in pretty awesome) person to be around. Did I mention my sense of humor is delightful? Now I'm starting to sound like I'm stuck on myself, huh? Right you are. And so enters the reason for this story.

Today I got angry, quite angry, angry to the point where I wanted to slap someone. And for what reason, one might ask? Because I felt I had been wronged. Gone went my "forgive at all costs" attitude, out the door flew my "well, let's look at it from their point of view" mindset, and no where to be found was my desire to be Christ-like. I looked at my Bible and my devotional and flat-out said "No, I do not want to open you." I wanted vengance, I wanted retribution, and I wanted to dish it all out. Hah, isn't it so easy to be Christ-like when the only turbulence in your life is deciding what you want to do that day?

Looks like I'm not all I'm cracked up to be! Nothing like a good glimpse of my ugliness to put me right back on track. It's a love-hate moment when you get a big bold smack in the face of who you are and who you should be. Makes me think "Wow, and I have friends?" and "What, Christ loves me?" Were that I anyone but me! God's grace is unfathomable! He loves me! This screwed up, self-righteous, blundering, babbling, can-barely-do-anything-right, always second-guessing, most unworthy me.

Needless to say, I did not slap anyone, nor chew anyone out, nor make good in any way on my anger. Maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am..... lol.